We are learning to retell a story but in our own words otherwise that will be stealing there ideas. Next time I think I would add some more paragraphs to split it up into bits so the reader can read it peace piece by piece . Something that changed me was completing all my feed back and reaching my goals
to strive to keep my learning to it's personal best. I am proud of the vocabulary I have used. Something else that challenged me was punting my full stops in the right places and using my punctuation so the reader can take breaths while reading.
Here is my writing
Hansel
Well waiting for the mother the father gave his children a big squez. Finally the mother skipped out the door laughing an evil laugh well they were walking on the path they sore holo(hollow) trees looming over their heads. Every step the branches creaked open the forest was a place no child should be left they kept walking until the children fell to the ground because they were so tied they rested by a tree and got given a piece of bread each once they had drifted off to sleep their parents slipped into the bushes and disappeared. When the children awok they found them selfe(themselves) alone in the middle of a deep dark forest Hansel sprung to his feet and bravely said I have a plane(plan) as they walked down the path he whispered what he had done they happily ran down the path skipping over the pebbles one by one. Once they reached the cottage sneakily they crawled around the back of the cottage and into the their bedroom window. The next morning their mother came into the room wearing a ragged cleaning clock(cloak) straed about to move around the room where she keeps all the spear wood
to strive to keep my learning to it's personal best. I am proud of the vocabulary I have used. Something else that challenged me was punting my full stops in the right places and using my punctuation so the reader can take breaths while reading.
Here is my writing
Hansel
and Gretel
Long long ago on a tiny lost island there was a little cottage with mushrooms surrounding it and native flowers outside the door with a forest next door. A pair of twins lived in the cottage with there nice kind hearted father the twins names were Hansel and Gretel. Sadly they had a evil stepmother with a large wart on the end of her nose her nose was also a bundle of hair that looked like a bird nest. A pin going frew her hair to curl it around. There father was a woodcutter he tried to sell wood so he called get money because there family was very poor they only had little to eat all day hansel and gretel got bossed around by their dreadful mother they HAD to do jobs all day as for the mother as you can guess just sat around watching THEM do all the work well she ate all the food they had. One day they only had one speak of bread left so the the next night when the children went to bed the mother grabbed the father by the shirt and for the first time she QUIETLY told the father “tomorrow we get a picnic set up and take our children for a walk in the haunted spoke forest next door.
Because we only have little of food left then we will leave them there
And sneak back home without them knowing.” Hansel and where sitting in the doorway of there bedroom Gretel started to sob “well that's the end of us she sobbed Hansel had a clever bran and a great idea he snuck on to the back lawn there in front of him was tons of glistening pebbles he shoved the pebbles in his pockets and ran back inside early in the morning there mother came in and tugged them out of bed well yelling “Get up you lazy eggs we are going on a FUN picnic so get outside with your father ready to walk,”
Well waiting for the mother the father gave his children a big squez. Finally the mother skipped out the door laughing an evil laugh well they were walking on the path they sore holo(hollow) trees looming over their heads. Every step the branches creaked open the forest was a place no child should be left they kept walking until the children fell to the ground because they were so tied they rested by a tree and got given a piece of bread each once they had drifted off to sleep their parents slipped into the bushes and disappeared. When the children awok they found them selfe(themselves) alone in the middle of a deep dark forest Hansel sprung to his feet and bravely said I have a plane(plan) as they walked down the path he whispered what he had done they happily ran down the path skipping over the pebbles one by one. Once they reached the cottage sneakily they crawled around the back of the cottage and into the their bedroom window. The next morning their mother came into the room wearing a ragged cleaning clock(cloak) straed about to move around the room where she keeps all the spear wood
When she sore(saw) the children she got so frustrated steam puffed out of her ears as she screamed “I THOURT I LEFT YOU ALONE IN THE FOREST TO STARVE TO DEF(DEATH),” The very next morning there mum dragged them by the are outside ready for another walk but deeper into the forest this time clever Hansel didn’t have a enough time to grab pebbles so he used the ones from the day before and well they were walking he picked some up from the other day this time the mother discovered there secret plane(plan) and kicked the pebbles away.
Once again their parents slipped away into the bushes Hansel and Gretel did not notice they had gone awhile after they came upon the most amazing thing they had ever seen. A GINORMOUS GINGERBREAD HOUSE. That had sweets all over it. For flowers it had lollipops and candy canes for the walls there were
piklets and waffles the grass was made with cakes the windows were icing and the roof was smores the entire house was edible strate(straight) away they were munching on the walls the widows and the flowers suddenly they heard an old croaky voice say “How's(who's) munching on my house” and out came a wrinkly old lady she invited them in gave the some tea and ice cream once they had finished they thanked the witch and started to walk out of the cottage but the witch flew past on her magic broomstick and yelled you're not going anywhere she scooped them up and wizzed them back inside she shoved Hansel in a cage and said you're nothing but a pile of skinny bones time to fatten you up and eat you little brats that eats someone's house gets eaten and as for you little mrs pink you're going to do all my chorus.
piklets and waffles the grass was made with cakes the windows were icing and the roof was smores the entire house was edible strate(straight) away they were munching on the walls the widows and the flowers suddenly they heard an old croaky voice say “How's(who's) munching on my house” and out came a wrinkly old lady she invited them in gave the some tea and ice cream once they had finished they thanked the witch and started to walk out of the cottage but the witch flew past on her magic broomstick and yelled you're not going anywhere she scooped them up and wizzed them back inside she shoved Hansel in a cage and said you're nothing but a pile of skinny bones time to fatten you up and eat you little brats that eats someone's house gets eaten and as for you little mrs pink you're going to do all my chorus.
The witch had very bad eyesight and each day when the she came to see how fat Hansel was getting he was told to stick out his finger so the witch could see how fat he was getting but he was getting pretty fat indeed but when the witch asked him to poked out his finger he poked out a chicken bone from one of his melas the witch finally said I have had enough we're going to have roasted boy for dinner no matter how fat he is she asked Gretal to light the fire ready for the feast as Gretale lit the fire she started to sob.
The witch bent down to see if the fire was settling in as she did Gretel gave her a huge push and slammed the door to the oven now they were having roasted witch for dinner she found the key to the cage on the bench
And rushed over to her brother she fiddled around trying to undo it then eventually managed before they left they ate her house and robbed all her gold and they ran in the forest all week finding the right path home they chose wisely wich path they took finally they arrived home they saw their father sitting on the stairs into there house they ran up to him and gave him a big hug the dad happily said your back I got rid of that cruel mum of yours and now we can shear the little of food we have. Hansel and Gretel grinned at each other and chucked the money and gold into the air they moved into a bigger house and have lived happily ever after for the rest of their lives.
